


Impulsive

by tinylilremus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A small bit of jealousy, Angst, F/M, Pining, Spoilers for campaign 2 episode 38, and a lil fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 04:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16319366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinylilremus/pseuds/tinylilremus
Summary: He doesn't know why no one thought to stop the two clerics from going off into the dark without any backup, but he feels a deep anger of his own towards the rest of the party for not talking sense into either of them. He's angry with Caduceus for taking lightly the dangers posed by the jungle, despite claiming to hold this great knowledge about the natural world, and he's angry at Jester for not taking a moment to think about her actions before jumping headfirst into danger.He's mostly angry at himself though, for not reacting sooner – for letting things get as bad as they did.Because he's realising more and more that he can't lose her – at least not without putting up a damn good fight.





	Impulsive

**Author's Note:**

> When I say "rarepair" you say "probably reading way too much into every interaction"

Caleb knows that the whole party has been bent a bit out of joint the last while, but something about this jungle seems to heighten it. He suspects it's partly the heat which, at least to Caleb, seems to be in the business of liquidising brain matter and turning it into sweat.

Apart from Beau, who seems to be taking this new twist in their adventure in her stride, Caduceus is still lost in his own thoughts much of the time, Fjord is preoccupied with this whole eye-monster pilgrimage he's making with Captain Avantika, Nott is deeply out of her comfort zone and clearly terrified, Yasha is even more withdrawn and quiet than usual and Jester is the grumpiest he's ever seen her.

He's still learning a lot about Jester, and the surprising thing he's discovered today is that much of her impulsiveness seems to be fueled by anger. And fair enough – she was dragged away from her visit with her mother sooner than she was meant to, and now the man she has a not-so-subtle crush on is openly flirting with this mysterious pirate woman who has the same creepy connection to whatever it was that put that sphere in his chest.

He knows that this must be part of why she's annoyed, because that's part of why he's annoyed. Because the woman that he fancies (admittedly with a lot more success at secrecy) is openly jealous of Fjord flirting with Avantika.

So she's been louder and more careless than usual today and Caleb has been trying and failing to not be concerned by it, especially after she and Caduceus nearly get themselves killed.

He doesn't know why no one thought to stop the two clerics from going off into the dark without any backup, but he feels a deep anger of his own towards the rest of the party for not talking sense into either of them. He's angry with Caduceus for taking lightly the dangers posed by the jungle, despite claiming to hold this great knowledge about the natural world, and he's angry at Jester for not taking a moment to think about her actions before jumping headfirst into danger.

He's mostly angry at himself though, for not reacting sooner – for letting things get as bad as they did.

Because he's realising more and more that he can't lose her – at least not without putting up a damn good fight.

He remembers that feeling of helplessness that came with his companions being taken fuck knows where; remembers the desperation to push forward as quickly as possible; remembers watching Molly fall and being reminded how swiftly he could lose them, how swiftly he could lose _her_. He remembers seeing them flash before his eyes every time he closed them; _blink_ \- dead Molly, _blink_ \- dead Fjord, _blink_ \- dead Yasha, _blink_ -

Jester, lifeless and still on a cold stone floor.

He knows it was just a sleeping spell earlier, but it was too close – far too close – to the image that still haunts him in those moments when his mind tinges even the good things with darkness.

And now, mere hours later, she wants to know what can and can't leave the bubble.

"You can go in and out and you can put your weapons through it, but no magic will go in or out."

He should stop telling her this - should make up some lie about how once you're in the bubble you have to stay there, but he's already keeping so much from her that he can't not give her this small truth.

"Okay, just checking," she replies, as if storing the information away for use later and Caleb's heart rate doubles. He knows there's a very strong chance she might act on her whims again despite what just happened. Because she craves adventure like he craves knowledge – no doubt a side effect of being hidden away most of her life. Because she's angry at far more than just the fact the man she fancies seems to be interested in someone else. Because acting and damning the consequences is how she deals with her rage.

He knows he has to intervene.

" _Please_ don't go on any walkabouts while we are sleeping," he implores her.

_I will go after you without a moment’s hesitation. I will leave to make sure that you are safe, this spell will break and all of our party will be at risk. But I will do it because the alternative is something happening to you and me not trying to do anything to prevent it._

"I'm not going to, Caleb," she replies.

"But you already did!"

He hopes she can't hear the faint note of desperation in his voice. He's already sifting through his knowledge of the arcane to see if he knows of another way he could protect the rest of his party should he have to drop the protective bubble.

"Well, that was for Caduceus," she explains, as if that made that whole ordeal any less terrifying. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

Something about the way her face softens just then tells Caleb that she wasn't planning on leaving again and was actually genuinely curious about the spell. Still, it's difficult not to worry. Worry seems to be a rather significant side-effect of falling in love with someone.

"You promise?" he asks.

"Of course I promise," she says, a frown of her own now forming. "I'm going to stay in here."

He's silent for a moment. She seems completely earnest in her assurance, without a hint of deception anywhere – just apparent concern that Caleb might not believe her. He knows her well enough to know that her word, as far as she is able to keep it, is good, and for now, he's satisfied that she's not trying to bullshit him.

"That's good enough for me," he tells her, and smiling with a small bit of relief, he adds, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She smiles back at him - one of a precious few she has shared today and as he settles down on his bedroll next to Nott, he keeps it in his mind's eye as long as his consciousness allows him.

**Author's Note:**

> Shipping this is like the Mighty Nein commandeering the Mist. There's a handful of us but hot damn are we trying to get it going.


End file.
